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i like the story, it's a good one. your clues were well-placed! some parts seem a bit weird, but you already addressed that. i'm sure a full version would be great.
voice-acting, which you also addressed, was sub-par. the lines werene't bad at all (again, the story was well-written), but just the voices themselves.
the animation i found to be great. i liked the overall style of the film. people are just idiots (what emo kid would have a yellow scooter?!). her bf did look oddly like a javabean or A&F model hehe. i liked your FbF inserts a lot. i think you'll make a great full FbF some day ^.^
as a final product is was merely okay, but i KNOW you have the ability to do excellent! i'm sure even the full version was much better. honestly the only *flaws* i can find in this movie are the voices and the strange transitions. i definitly hope to see more from you =D